This month we have been talking about sex and the truth is, it's almost impossible to talk about sex without talking about vulnerability.
Vulnerability is something that very few people like to discuss (or feel) but the truth is it's pretty difficult to experience pleasurable, meaningful sex without vulnerability.
Let me explain.
Vulnerability, by definition, is the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Now I have to be honest, when I first read this definition, I got irritated. I thought "why do we have to make it sound so negative?" I mean, isn't that why people shy away from it in the first place? But the truth is, being vulnerable does leave you open and exposed and when you're open and exposed, anything can happen. You could experience pain.
But you could also experience intimacy. And intimacy leads to amazing, mind-blowing, earth-moving sex. Intimacy is the byproduct of vulnerability. Intimacy is closeness. It's connectivity. It's personal.
But back to vulnerability.
In both my personal and professional opinion, if you have an issue being vulnerable, you'll find it difficult to experience true intimacy. Before I go too deep, let me clarify. I'm not saying run out and open yourself up to every Tom, Dick, or Sally. There is such a thing as being too open and too vulnerable. You must be sure that the person you are opening yourself to is worth it. Remember, YOU are the Hidden Jewel. I think one of the main reasons people have issues with trust and vulnerability is because they opened themselves up to the wrong person and got hurt. So before you decide to go there, make sure the person has proven to be worth it.
Once you've determined if the person is worth it, there are a few steps to take to allow vulnerability and intimacy in.
Build a relationship of trust. Trusting a person can be difficult but it is the key element of vulnerability and intimacy. When starting out, don't overdo it. Start small. If the person says they are gonna call and they do, great. Trust them with something bigger.
Communicate. Communication is key! I always say that unspoken expectations kill reality. If your partner doesn't know how to be there for you or what you need, they won't be able to hold you in your vulnerability. That's gonna lead to mistrust and that leads to a lack of intimacy.
Get Close. Intimacy requires a connection. It begins long before the sexual act. You can begin creating intimacy in your relationship by doing non-sexual activities such as dancing, cooking together, and even looking into each other's eyes. This is the fun part, get creative!
Relax. You've opened yourself up, created intimacy, and now it's time to get sexual. The hard part is over. Rest in the comfort and security that you two have built together and enjoy.
Release. Sex is WAY more enjoyable when you feel safe and connected to your partner. You can trust them with the most intimate parts of yourself, you can release your fears and let go (and I do mean, LET GO). Ride the wave of ecstasy into euphoria.
There really is no limit to the pleasure you can experience when you have created intimacy with a person by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It's truly next level ( I know from first-hand experience). However, I know that some things take more to work through than can be covered in this blog. There are so many factors that play a part: sexual trauma, the lack of self-love, or the inability to connect energetically. To take this work a step further, I encourage you to get my new ebook. It's packed with practical tips including shadow work, journal prompts, and even a guided meditation. If you desire more 1:1 support, I encourage you to book an introspective womb work session with me.
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